The day before the trial!!

The trial starts tomorrow, and as always, I don't feel nearly as ready as I want to feel. The butterflies are creeping up and I start questioning whether I've done everything I need to do to be ready for this thing. It's hard enough to try a case when you're fully prepared (there are always surprises that hit you when you least expect them) ... but here, we haven't had full discovery, and I keep wondering if this guy has something up his sleeve. Shady as he is, I wouldn't be surprised if he were trying to sandbag me with something.

I'm also wondering how the arbitrator is going to respond to me and my style. Judges usually make up their minds fairly early in trials, and if this guy doesn't like me from the get-go, I'm in for a long week. I can pretty much say that one of the most unnerving things do have to do is to be standing in front of someone, arguing, when you know he doesn't like you or your position, and that he wants to rule against you. It's sort of like trying to swim upstream against a strong current ... You start to struggle and you swim harder, but you notice you're not getting anywhere, and soon you get exhausted and the realization hits you that no matter how hard you struggle, you're not going to make it.

When you're in the middle of an argument and this happens, you lose confidence (which is 90% of public speaking) and part of you wants to give up and sit down, while another part realizes that you don't have a choice but to go on. So you go on, but knowing that your efforts are in vain, a part of you shuts off, and you turn into a robot. You start sweating, and sometimes your heart starts to beat so loudly, you can hear the pounding over your own words. Your mouth is moving and you hear yourself speaking, but what you say doesn't resonate with you ... you don't believe any of it - it's almost as if you're hearing someone else talk - and you're just looking forward to the relief of it all being over.

Of course none of that is going to happen to me this week. I feel good about my case, I'm representing the good guys, and I'm just excited about getting in there and knocking heads with this guy. This is going to be a dog-fight, and I can get down & dirty with the best of em. So whatever you got, bring it on, bitches!